The NCAA is wrong, and they need to be stopped! Read below!
NCAA nixes ‘hostile’ names
By Matt Perkins
NCAA championships are about to change — or at least the names of the teams participating in them are.
Some of the most popular and successful teams in college sports are at the center of an ongoing controversy that reached new heights last week.
The NCAA Executive Committee issued a policy Friday that prohibits colleges and universities from “displaying hostile and abusive racial/ethnic/national origin mascots, nicknames or imagery” at all 88 NCAA championships. Specifically, the policy is aimed at American Indian representations.
But the policy will not cover regular season play, which has caused a continued uproar from some tribes that have headed up a campaign to ban certain NCAA nicknames completely.
On the other side, the announcement is cause for complaint from certain teams, such as the Florida State Seminoles, who have the support of local tribes to continue using their nicknames.
At the root of the decision, which some call a compromise, is the fact that what might be offensive to some isn’t to others, and vice versa.
TED S.WARREN, AP
Illinois mascot Chief Illiniwek is at the heart of the controversy about American Indian nicknames and imagery in college sports. Some find the dance, shown here, offensive when used at sporting events.
“It has to be on an individual, case-by-case basis,” Minnesota Athletics Director Joel Maturi said. “But you have to be sensitive to that issue. It’s all about where you draw the line and what is the intention of it.”
Eighteen schools will be affected by the policy, including Florida State, Illinois’ Fighting Illini, North Dakota’s Fighting Sioux and Utah’s Utes, among others.
Florida State has revealed that the Seminole Tribe of Florida is supporting the school’s case to keep the mascot. Conversely, several Sioux tribes in North Dakota have rallied and petitioned against the school’s mascot.
And come the beginning of the spring championship season in March — the policy begins taking effect Feb. 1, 2006, with full prohibition set for Feb. 1, 2008 — the focus on Illinois might shift from its athletic success to its struggle with the new policy.
The nickname “Fighting Illini” might cause some to take offense, but Illinois mascot Chief Illiniwek is the source of the most controversy.
Dressed in regalia given to the school by Sioux Chief Frank Fools Crow in 1982 during a halftime ceremony of an Illini football game, the school’s mascot gets the crowd going with a dance some believe shouldn’t be performed for entertainment purposes. The dance is mirrored after a sacred American Indian dance that some believe should only be performed for ceremonial purposes.
Now it might have stirred up as much controversy as school spirit over the years, and the NCAA’s latest step is in more of a politically correct direction, said Bryan Alkemeyer, co-coordinator of the Progressive Resource/Action Cooperative, an “anti-Chief” activist group based in Champaign, Ill.
“We’re really pleased with the NCAA decision,” Alkemeyer said. “We’re hoping they continue to evaluate race-based mascots in sports and possibly even take a stronger stance in the future.”
As of now, it seems nobody is completely happy with the policy, but all sides are left trying to sift through its vague definition of “hostile and abusive.”
The one thing that’s certain is that it’s all part of a process.
“We have to learn more about the NCAA’s policy,” said Thomas Hardy, University of Illinois executive director for university relations. “We need to take some time and figure out some of the ambiguities in the policy. Then we can determine where we go from there.”
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Monday, August 08, 2005
Aging gracefully.
A 70 yr. old nurse walks into a bank and prepares to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says, "Well that's great , just great... Some asshole's got my pen."Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, " Hardly worth going home is it?" I've sure gotten old. I've had two by-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But... thank God, I still have my driver's license!A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." Sir," replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!" An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart. "Walmart!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Walmart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
Sunday, August 07, 2005
The Passenger Pigeon
A sad, but true tale.
The Passenger Pigeon
In all probability, the Passenger Pigeon was once the most abundant bird on the planet. Accounts of its numbers sound like something out of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds and strain our credulity today. Alexander Wilson, the father of scientific ornithology in America, estimated that one flock consisted of two billion birds. Wilson's rival, John James Audubon, watched a flock pass overhead for three days and estimated that at times more than 300 million pigeons flew by him each hour. Elongated nesting colonies several miles wide could reach a length of forty miles. In these colonies, droppings were thick enough to kill the forest understory.
Passenger Pigeons were denizens of the once great deciduous forests of the eastern United States. The birds provided an easily harvested resource for native Americans and early settlers. To obtain dinner in the nesting season one needed only to wander into a colony and pluck some of the fat squabs that had fallen or been knocked from their nests. Audubon wrote in his classic Birds of America, "The pigeons were picked up and piled in heaps, until each [hunter] had as many as he could possibly dispose of, when the hogs were let loose to feed on the remainder."
Old magazine illustration of hunters shooting Passenger Pigeons. Note the density of the flight.(From copy in Schorger, 1955.)
Market hunters prospered, devising a wide variety of techniques for slaughtering the pigeons and collecting their succulent squabs. Adults were baited with alcohol-soaked grain (which made them drunk and easy to catch), and suffocated by fires of grass or sulfur that were lit below their nests. To attract their brethren, captive pigeons, their eyes sewn shut, were set up as decoys on small perches called stools (which is the origin of the term stool pigeon for one who betrays colleagues). Squabs were knocked from nests with long poles, trees were chopped down or were set on fire to make the squabs jump from nests. Disruption of the colonies was so severe that wholesale nest abandonment was common and breeding success much reduced.
So successful were the market hunters that pigeons became cheap enough for use as live targets in shooting galleries. Laws intended to protect the pigeons did not help. In 1886 an editor's note in Forest and Stream said:
When the birds appear all the male inhabitants of the neighborhood leave their customary occupations as farmers, bark-peelers, oil-scouts, wildcatters, and tavern loafers, and join in the work of capturing and marketing the game. The Pennsylvania law very plainly forbids the destruction of the pigeons on their nesting grounds, but no one pays any attention to the law, and the nesting birds have been killed by thousands and tens of thousands.
As railroads penetrated the upper Middle West after the Civil War, many millions of pigeons were shipped to cities along the Atlantic seaboard, since, by then, clearing of oak and beech forests and hunting had already exterminated the birds on the East Coast. Extinction of the Passenger Pigeon came with stunning rapidity. Michigan was its last stronghold; about three million birds were shipped east from there by a single hunter in 1878. Eleven years later, 1889, the species was extinct in that state. Although small groups of pigeons were held in various places in captivity, efforts to maintain those flocks failed. The last known individual of the species, a female named Martha, died in 1914 in the Cincinnati Zoo and is now on display in the U.S. National Museum of Natural History.
Of course, market hunting ended as soon as harvesting the birds was no longer economically profitable. That point was reached when tens of thousands of the birds still flew within large stretches of suitable habitat. Much of that habitat still exists today, although many of the largest nut-producing trees that were common in the heyday of the pigeon were logged. Why, then, did the birds go extinct? No one knows for sure, but it appears that to survive they needed to nest in vast colonies. Perhaps this permitted them to "swamp" predators with their enormous numbers, so that the relatively few predators in the area of a roost were unable to make a significant dent in the huge breeding colonies. And since these colonies dispersed as soon as breeding was over, predators were prevented from building up their populations on the basis of such an ephemeral resource. In any case, the fate of the Passenger Pigeon illustrates a very important principle of conservation biology: it is not always necessary to kill the last pair of a species to force it to extinction.
Sad to say, the lesson of the Passenger Pigeon has not been learned. At the present time the White-crowned Pigeon is threatened by the horrendous slaughter of nesting birds on its Caribbean breeding grounds.
The Passenger Pigeon
In all probability, the Passenger Pigeon was once the most abundant bird on the planet. Accounts of its numbers sound like something out of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds and strain our credulity today. Alexander Wilson, the father of scientific ornithology in America, estimated that one flock consisted of two billion birds. Wilson's rival, John James Audubon, watched a flock pass overhead for three days and estimated that at times more than 300 million pigeons flew by him each hour. Elongated nesting colonies several miles wide could reach a length of forty miles. In these colonies, droppings were thick enough to kill the forest understory.
Passenger Pigeons were denizens of the once great deciduous forests of the eastern United States. The birds provided an easily harvested resource for native Americans and early settlers. To obtain dinner in the nesting season one needed only to wander into a colony and pluck some of the fat squabs that had fallen or been knocked from their nests. Audubon wrote in his classic Birds of America, "The pigeons were picked up and piled in heaps, until each [hunter] had as many as he could possibly dispose of, when the hogs were let loose to feed on the remainder."
Old magazine illustration of hunters shooting Passenger Pigeons. Note the density of the flight.(From copy in Schorger, 1955.)
Market hunters prospered, devising a wide variety of techniques for slaughtering the pigeons and collecting their succulent squabs. Adults were baited with alcohol-soaked grain (which made them drunk and easy to catch), and suffocated by fires of grass or sulfur that were lit below their nests. To attract their brethren, captive pigeons, their eyes sewn shut, were set up as decoys on small perches called stools (which is the origin of the term stool pigeon for one who betrays colleagues). Squabs were knocked from nests with long poles, trees were chopped down or were set on fire to make the squabs jump from nests. Disruption of the colonies was so severe that wholesale nest abandonment was common and breeding success much reduced.
So successful were the market hunters that pigeons became cheap enough for use as live targets in shooting galleries. Laws intended to protect the pigeons did not help. In 1886 an editor's note in Forest and Stream said:
When the birds appear all the male inhabitants of the neighborhood leave their customary occupations as farmers, bark-peelers, oil-scouts, wildcatters, and tavern loafers, and join in the work of capturing and marketing the game. The Pennsylvania law very plainly forbids the destruction of the pigeons on their nesting grounds, but no one pays any attention to the law, and the nesting birds have been killed by thousands and tens of thousands.
As railroads penetrated the upper Middle West after the Civil War, many millions of pigeons were shipped to cities along the Atlantic seaboard, since, by then, clearing of oak and beech forests and hunting had already exterminated the birds on the East Coast. Extinction of the Passenger Pigeon came with stunning rapidity. Michigan was its last stronghold; about three million birds were shipped east from there by a single hunter in 1878. Eleven years later, 1889, the species was extinct in that state. Although small groups of pigeons were held in various places in captivity, efforts to maintain those flocks failed. The last known individual of the species, a female named Martha, died in 1914 in the Cincinnati Zoo and is now on display in the U.S. National Museum of Natural History.
Of course, market hunting ended as soon as harvesting the birds was no longer economically profitable. That point was reached when tens of thousands of the birds still flew within large stretches of suitable habitat. Much of that habitat still exists today, although many of the largest nut-producing trees that were common in the heyday of the pigeon were logged. Why, then, did the birds go extinct? No one knows for sure, but it appears that to survive they needed to nest in vast colonies. Perhaps this permitted them to "swamp" predators with their enormous numbers, so that the relatively few predators in the area of a roost were unable to make a significant dent in the huge breeding colonies. And since these colonies dispersed as soon as breeding was over, predators were prevented from building up their populations on the basis of such an ephemeral resource. In any case, the fate of the Passenger Pigeon illustrates a very important principle of conservation biology: it is not always necessary to kill the last pair of a species to force it to extinction.
Sad to say, the lesson of the Passenger Pigeon has not been learned. At the present time the White-crowned Pigeon is threatened by the horrendous slaughter of nesting birds on its Caribbean breeding grounds.
Democrats!
What is wrong with the Democrats these days? They have great leaders like John Kerry, Dr. Howard Dean, "Fat-man" Ted Kennedy, and let's not to forget to mention the beautiful Hillary "I'm a man" Clinton! So, Hillary wants to lead this country, wants to be our president, wants to be able to bring Bill back to the White house. Can you imagine that even happening? It's up to us southern men that vote, to make damn sure that doesn't' ever happen! Our country has been through enough turmoil with the Clintons. Hillary, just write another book!
Dukes Of Hazzard!
I went to see the new movie, "The Dukes of Hazzard", starring Jessica Simpson. Now, can anyone out there tell me why Jessica Simpson is considered to be so beautiful? I don't see it, now I must say that she did a pretty good job of shaking her ass, but that was about it! I recommend this movie, for the fun, but it's not for those "movie-goers", that demand great scripts, with a great story, because this movie has neither, but it was fun to see Burt Reynolds, and Willie Nelson. The hell with what the critics say, go see this movie just for the out-takes at the end of the movie, it is worth the ten bucks!
Friday, August 05, 2005
Kelly Ripa, the "kiss-ass-kiss-up" babe!
This morning, Kelly Ripa, had sitting beside her co-host Jessica Simpson, and all that Kelly Ripa could do was "kiss-up" to Jessica "no-brain-in-the head" Simpson! Jessica Simpson sings OK, but the way she jerks that head around while on stage can make you develop a case of "vertigo"! Molly Sims, the actress with the bad-lisp was also kissing up to Jessica Simpson! I'll go see the "Dukes Of Hazzard" movie to see Jessica in a bikini, but I also want to see the fine acting! Yep, Kelly Ripa is a "kiss-up", "kiss-ass", type of gal! Kelly, gain some weight!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Hillary Clinton for President? You've go to be kidding!
See below, and this woman wants to be president? She has balls, that's for damn sure! We, Americans, are a bunch of "brain-dead" idiots, if we elected that mean, hateful, female dog to the office of the presidency!
XXXXX DRUDGE REPORT XXXXX FRI DEC 05, 2003 19:58:09 ET XXXXXHILLARY RIPS BUSH: WARNS OF 'IRREPARABLE HARM' TO NATIONSen. Hillary Rodham Clinton blasts President Bush and his "radical" administration on Saturday for attempting to dismantle the "central pillars of progress in our country during the 20th century."Clinton makes the comments to Saturday editions of the HOUSTON CHRONICLE, sources tell DRUDGE.The former first lady says she has become convinced the Republican administration wants "to undo the New Deal," the Roosevelt-era policies that ushered in Social Security and a host of other governmental assistance programs.She said that Bush, who campaigned as a "compassionate conservative" in 2000, had taken a "hard-right turn to pursue an extremist agenda" after moving into the White House."I don't know where it came from, but the fact is that this President Bush has not only been radical and extreme in terms of Democratic presidents but in terms of Republican presidents, including his own father," she says.She believes Bush is beatable next year because his administration is "making America less free, fair, strong, smart than it deserves to be in a dangerous world.""We have to change direction before irreparable harm is done," she adds."This administration is in danger of being the first in American history to leave our nation worse off than when they found it."Developing...
XXXXX DRUDGE REPORT XXXXX FRI DEC 05, 2003 19:58:09 ET XXXXXHILLARY RIPS BUSH: WARNS OF 'IRREPARABLE HARM' TO NATIONSen. Hillary Rodham Clinton blasts President Bush and his "radical" administration on Saturday for attempting to dismantle the "central pillars of progress in our country during the 20th century."Clinton makes the comments to Saturday editions of the HOUSTON CHRONICLE, sources tell DRUDGE.The former first lady says she has become convinced the Republican administration wants "to undo the New Deal," the Roosevelt-era policies that ushered in Social Security and a host of other governmental assistance programs.She said that Bush, who campaigned as a "compassionate conservative" in 2000, had taken a "hard-right turn to pursue an extremist agenda" after moving into the White House."I don't know where it came from, but the fact is that this President Bush has not only been radical and extreme in terms of Democratic presidents but in terms of Republican presidents, including his own father," she says.She believes Bush is beatable next year because his administration is "making America less free, fair, strong, smart than it deserves to be in a dangerous world.""We have to change direction before irreparable harm is done," she adds."This administration is in danger of being the first in American history to leave our nation worse off than when they found it."Developing...
Ayman al-Zawahiri
Ayman al-Zawahiri, the right hand man to Bin Laden is nothing more than a joke! He makes statements about killing thousands of American soldiers if we don't leave Iraq! What the bastard doesn't understand is that if one one American soldier is killed, that is equivalent of a thousand to us Americans! Ayman al-Zawahiri doesn't understand the will and might of American soldiers in battle, especially Marines, you go around killing them, and more will come after you! Ayman al-Zawahiri is a bastard, that is going to hell, and will have bombs exploding up his stinky-ass for all eternity, and God will have Bin Laden cleaning out the asses of camels for all eternity! I don't think these morons understand, that a creator that gives life, and gives you life, is not going to reward you for taking someone's else's life! What God do they pray too, or should I say prey too? You bastards are going straight to hell!
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Jessica Simpson
This Friday, the movie, "The Dukes Of Hazzard" will be released with Johnny "Jack-ass"-Knoxville, Sean William Scott, and Jessica Simpson. Now, Jessica Simpson, I think would have been better off if she would have been in a movie called "Hooters", because she has a pair of nice big"hooters"! It's hard for me to believe that Jessica Simpson married "pencil-neck-geek", Nick Lachey! I'm going to the movie, and I know I'll see some fine acting, or I'll see a movie that makes no sense?
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Hannah Storm is sexay!
When CBS first hired Hannah Storm for "The Early Show", I was one that thought it to be a bad idea, but now I think, that out of the five clowns that host that show, she is the most professional, and I must say "sexy"!
Anorexic women
What is wrong with having a little weight, and looking like a real woman? Nicole Richey, Lindsay Lohan, The Olsen Twins, look like walking death. Put some weight on ladies, start eating grits. It's a damn shame, that for the love of money, that you have to go and starve yourself to death! Being a movie star, and making money, is not worth dieing early, and leaving behind the money you have made, only to be given to someone else. Get a grip on life, and start living. This morning, while watching Regis, Bernadette Peters was filling in for the "anorexic" Kelly Ripa, and Bernadette is looking "anorexic" as well! The world has gone bonkers!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Back-Packs!
I would like to thank the "no-good-lousy-terriosts", who are nothing more than a bunch of "pussies", that have their sights on ruining the world. I have news for you bastards, you are not accomplishing a damn thing! The only thing that you "back-pack-bombers", and "suicide-bombers" are accomplishing is that, you're going straight to hell! What are you morons thinking? Do you think that the God that created you, is going to have mercy on your soul, when you go out here, and maim, and kill innocent people? You are going straight to hell, all you "terriosts-bastards", and good riddance! You have made it to where innocent people are having a difficult time wearing back-packs, but we'll overcome this torture, that you are trying to put us through, and we'll wind up finding you, and kicking your ass, and our back-packs will prevail!
INXS
The band INXS has teamed up with Mark Burnett of "Survivor" fame, and is trying to help the band INXS find a new band member. You can see the hopefuls trying their best to make the band. INXS use to be a really good band, but lost their dynamic when the lead singer decided to Permanently check-out! Brooke Burke, is the hostess of the show has some terrific hooters, and a nice ass, and she really makes the show worth watching. I don't know what it is, but it's rather odd, to see a bunch of over-weight rockers, the last remaining members of INXS trying to find a lead singer on national American television, when in fact, they should be looking for another mate, from "down-under", in the land of "OZ"! Good luck to the "over-the-weight-gang"!
Space Shuttle
Lets us hope that all goes well this morning, with the shuttle launch. It's always beautiful site to see, when the shuttle takes off, but the way the shuttle program has gone of late, it's just a bit scary for me to watch. Good luck NASA.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Penis Study.
The Study In 1997, Harvard funded a study to see why the head of a Penis was bigger than the rest of it. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After Harvard published the study, Yale decided to do their own. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Mississippi State, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
I'm from Louisiana, are you?
You might be from Louisiana, if.....
YOU MIGHT BE FROM LOUISIANA IF........... 1. You've ever wore shorts at Christmas time. 2. You pronounce Lafayette as "Laffy-ette" not "La-fay-et." 3. Yo! You learned to drive a boat before you could drive a car. 4. You know the meaning of a "Delcambre Reeboks" (that would be a pair of all white fishing boots). 5. You offer somebody a "Coke" and then ask them what kind: Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, 7Up? 6. You can name all of your 3rd-cousins. 7. LSU football.8. You greet people with "Ha's ya momma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"9. Every so often, you have waterfront property.10. When giving directions you use words like "uptown", "downtown","backatown", riverside", "lakeside!", "northshore", "westbank!", "down the bayou" or " 'cross the river". 11. When you refer to a geographical location "way up North," you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold!" 12. Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under. 13. You've ever had Community Coffee. 14. You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it (also, Natchitoches [pronounced Nack-uh-tish],Thibodeaux, Opelousas, Pontchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya, etc.).
15. You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house. 16. You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used. (Amen) You Got dat rite. 17. The waitress-hop tells you a fried oyster po-boy dressed is healthier than a Caesar salad. 18. You know the definition of "dressed."19. You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.20. The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than HBO. 21. You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off. 22. You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you something." 23. You go by "ya-mom-en-'dems" on Good Friday for family supper. 24. You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday. 25. You don't realize until high school what a "county" is. 26. You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors). 27. You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people refer to as windbreakers). 28. Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled. 29. You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team. (Geaux Zephyrs). 30. You have a ditch on at least one side of your property.
31. You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs. 32. You describe a color as "K&B Purple." 33. You like your rice and politics dirty. 34. When given the choice for governor between a KKK leader and Edwin Edwards, it's a difficult decision. 35. You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins." 36. You know those big roaches (waterbugs) can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
37. You prefer skiing on the bayou. 38. You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard. 39. You realize the rain forest is less humid than Louisiana. 40. You can list all the ingredient's of a gumbo or a jambalaya. 41. You go to the "boat", but you don't plan on spending any time over water. 42. When you're in Baton Rouge you know the difference between the old bridge & the new bridge. 43. If you ever had to wait for the bridge to "come down" so you can get home. 44. If you pull for the Saints (who else would)? 45. If you've ever been to a wedding and someone either danced in a #3 washtub or with a broom! and this was considered normal. 46. You make your groceries, or, wash your dishes,or, have an icebox. 47. You can't think of anybody that can cook better than your momma. 48. You know when it's appropriate to use "Tony Chachere's" (anytime!!!!). 49. You know an old person that can "treat" you for warts. 50. The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab and King Cake.
51. You know the difference between Moon Landrieu and Moon Griffon and know neither is tied to a celestial event. (And know that Mary is Moon Landrieu's daughter, not his widow.) SEND THIS TO EVERYBODY WHO KNOWS YOU ARE FROM LOUISIANA - OR CAME FROM LOUISIANA THEMSELVES ------- THIS IS TOO TRUE!!!
YOU MIGHT BE FROM LOUISIANA IF........... 1. You've ever wore shorts at Christmas time. 2. You pronounce Lafayette as "Laffy-ette" not "La-fay-et." 3. Yo! You learned to drive a boat before you could drive a car. 4. You know the meaning of a "Delcambre Reeboks" (that would be a pair of all white fishing boots). 5. You offer somebody a "Coke" and then ask them what kind: Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, 7Up? 6. You can name all of your 3rd-cousins. 7. LSU football.8. You greet people with "Ha's ya momma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"9. Every so often, you have waterfront property.10. When giving directions you use words like "uptown", "downtown","backatown", riverside", "lakeside!", "northshore", "westbank!", "down the bayou" or " 'cross the river". 11. When you refer to a geographical location "way up North," you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold!" 12. Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under. 13. You've ever had Community Coffee. 14. You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it (also, Natchitoches [pronounced Nack-uh-tish],Thibodeaux, Opelousas, Pontchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya, etc.).
15. You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house. 16. You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used. (Amen) You Got dat rite. 17. The waitress-hop tells you a fried oyster po-boy dressed is healthier than a Caesar salad. 18. You know the definition of "dressed."19. You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.20. The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than HBO. 21. You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off. 22. You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you something." 23. You go by "ya-mom-en-'dems" on Good Friday for family supper. 24. You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday. 25. You don't realize until high school what a "county" is. 26. You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors). 27. You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people refer to as windbreakers). 28. Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled. 29. You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team. (Geaux Zephyrs). 30. You have a ditch on at least one side of your property.
31. You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs. 32. You describe a color as "K&B Purple." 33. You like your rice and politics dirty. 34. When given the choice for governor between a KKK leader and Edwin Edwards, it's a difficult decision. 35. You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins." 36. You know those big roaches (waterbugs) can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
37. You prefer skiing on the bayou. 38. You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard. 39. You realize the rain forest is less humid than Louisiana. 40. You can list all the ingredient's of a gumbo or a jambalaya. 41. You go to the "boat", but you don't plan on spending any time over water. 42. When you're in Baton Rouge you know the difference between the old bridge & the new bridge. 43. If you ever had to wait for the bridge to "come down" so you can get home. 44. If you pull for the Saints (who else would)? 45. If you've ever been to a wedding and someone either danced in a #3 washtub or with a broom! and this was considered normal. 46. You make your groceries, or, wash your dishes,or, have an icebox. 47. You can't think of anybody that can cook better than your momma. 48. You know when it's appropriate to use "Tony Chachere's" (anytime!!!!). 49. You know an old person that can "treat" you for warts. 50. The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab and King Cake.
51. You know the difference between Moon Landrieu and Moon Griffon and know neither is tied to a celestial event. (And know that Mary is Moon Landrieu's daughter, not his widow.) SEND THIS TO EVERYBODY WHO KNOWS YOU ARE FROM LOUISIANA - OR CAME FROM LOUISIANA THEMSELVES ------- THIS IS TOO TRUE!!!
Whoopi Goldberg, is America tired of her? I know I am!
This morning, while tuning in to watch "Regis & Kelly", there sitting in Kelly's place, is Whoopi Goldberg, I'm sorry, but I'm tuning you out, Whoopi! You have past your prime, and have become nothing more than that of a "snuff-comic"!
Al Gore is "Wacky"
Not only did Al Gore invent the internet, he is now claiming that he took some instruction from the late Johnny Carson. I don't believe that, nor should you. Gore is a blathering nim-come-poop", and that's all he'll ever be, except for maybe, a "blathering-idiot" See the story below:
By JACQUES STEINBERG
Published: July 25, 2005
SAN FRANCISCO, July 23 - As vice president, Al Gore learned that the most disarming way to counter his wooden image was to tell better jokes about himself than the late-night comedians did. Mr. Gore now says he received occasional tutoring on those one-liners from the master of the television monologue, Johnny Carson.
Mr. Gore said he had telephoned Mr. Carson on several occasions in the mid-1990's to seek his guidance on "timing and delivery."
"He let me call him up and bounce jokes off him and he would give me advice on the presentation of gags," said Mr. Gore, who said he had initially approached the retired "Tonight Show" host through a mutual friend. "It was such a privilege."
Mr. Gore said that Mr. Carson, who died in January, had even given him a couple of jokes. But Mr. Carson's greatest contribution, Mr. Gore said, came in 1994, when over the telephone he walked Mr. Carson through a skit he intended to do before a black-tie Washington dinner known as the Gridiron.
The idea, Mr. Gore said, was that he would be wheeled onto the dais on a hand truck, ramrod straight, and would slowly be cranked to his feet by "two guys in Acme delivery costumes."
"I told Johnny about it, and he said, 'Oh that's great,' " Mr. Gore recalled. "He said, 'When you do it, make sure to wait till they stop laughing.' "
To his delight, Mr. Gore said, the bit killed.
"Part of the shtick on me in those days was that I was stiff," Mr. Gore added, laughing. "I like to think it's passed, but it's not."
By JACQUES STEINBERG
Published: July 25, 2005
SAN FRANCISCO, July 23 - As vice president, Al Gore learned that the most disarming way to counter his wooden image was to tell better jokes about himself than the late-night comedians did. Mr. Gore now says he received occasional tutoring on those one-liners from the master of the television monologue, Johnny Carson.
Mr. Gore said he had telephoned Mr. Carson on several occasions in the mid-1990's to seek his guidance on "timing and delivery."
"He let me call him up and bounce jokes off him and he would give me advice on the presentation of gags," said Mr. Gore, who said he had initially approached the retired "Tonight Show" host through a mutual friend. "It was such a privilege."
Mr. Gore said that Mr. Carson, who died in January, had even given him a couple of jokes. But Mr. Carson's greatest contribution, Mr. Gore said, came in 1994, when over the telephone he walked Mr. Carson through a skit he intended to do before a black-tie Washington dinner known as the Gridiron.
The idea, Mr. Gore said, was that he would be wheeled onto the dais on a hand truck, ramrod straight, and would slowly be cranked to his feet by "two guys in Acme delivery costumes."
"I told Johnny about it, and he said, 'Oh that's great,' " Mr. Gore recalled. "He said, 'When you do it, make sure to wait till they stop laughing.' "
To his delight, Mr. Gore said, the bit killed.
"Part of the shtick on me in those days was that I was stiff," Mr. Gore added, laughing. "I like to think it's passed, but it's not."
Today
Our world has changed, bombings going off everywhere, and what is so ironic is the fact, is that people are killing themselves, to kill others! What are these crazy sucide bombers thinking? Do they think, that by killing themselves that they are going to reach some sort of salvation? One question that comes to mind, everytime I hear of a bomb going off, is where are these "terriosts" obtaining their "sucide-belts"? They must be getting them from someone, but who, and whom? Could someone please inform these "terriosts", that by blowing themselves up, and others , that they are going staright to hell!
Lance Armstrong
I have to admit that I was saddened by the fact that Lance won his seventh, and final "Tour De France", and I say that because it's been a lot of fun to watch an American and a man, with his skill and endurance level to win that three week race. Unless, you have ridden a bike in a "criterium race", or a "road Race", you have no idea, how hard it is, just to participate in one. On Lance Armstrong's personal life, it is none of my business, and sure, I was upset that him and his wife split up, as any good-Catholic, like myself, I just hate divorce, especially when children are involved, but Cheryl Crowe seems to really love Lance, and he seems to love her as well, so good luck to both of them. I have lost my mother and my father to cancer, and what Lance Armstrong's foundation, "Live-strong" is doing is great! God bless you Lance!
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